I’m in what my therapist calls a valley right now, and I like that symbolism for it, so that’s what I’ll call it too. What I’ve learned about life is that it isn’t linear, it’s mountains, valleys, and plateaus. So to put all those cutesy Pinterest sayings aside, I’m saying life kind of sucks right now. I’m not particularly depressed, not particularly anxious, but everything just kind of sucks.
For one thing, I’ve had Mono for about 2 weeks. Before you think I’ve gome around and kissed everyone in sight, it can be spread through drinks too, which I’m guilty of sharing. I know, I know, bad. I’ve learned my lesson because let me tell you, it is hell. For the first week I truely felt like I was physically dying, but it’s progressing gotten better. I’ve always heard people sleep a lot when they have mono but I did not sleep one sound night for about a week because of the pain.
On a less physical aspect, I’ve felt rather isolated. I have a lot of people who I would consider friends but I’d call them superficial. Not superficial in saying they aren’t real friends, because they are and we have a lot of fun, but that’s really all we do. There aren’t many people I can get deep with and count on, not when it’s just convenient for them. I lost some pinnacle people and relationships in my life recently and it’s left me feeling lonely. I’m not sure really how to move on quite yet but maybe some further self reflection with come out of it.
I finished my classes with A’s, but with that said I was only taking two classes, as I dropped out of my two college classes. If you know me, you know school is a big deal to me, so dropping out felt like a failure but it was the best thing for me to do. My anxiety this semester has been pretty bad, to the point where I was missing at least one day of school a week, and that’s on a good week. With that, dropping those classes was the best option because I was really only taking them as extra and I was snowballing downward from my anxiety; I would be anxious, miss school, get more anxious about the work I had to make up, miss more school, ect. I was so disappointed with myself, and quite honestly I still am, but I’ve always been one to preach mental health above all, including school, so I’ve taken a page from my own book. I’m actually doing virtual school this coming semester, just while I try to figure out my medication and get my anxiety under control.
As an overall, I just feel dissatisfied with life. I feel like those moments of happiness are so, so rare, and not so say that I’m always unhappy but that I feel like I’m not getting anything from life right now. I’m not extremely discouraged about it though because I’ve gone leaps and bounds from how I felt a few months ago, so I know progress will come. I feel like some people reading this will be think, “wow this was just a Tristyn complains about her life vent” but that’s really not what this is. People, my generation especially, are so perfection seeking that no one shares the bad parts. So few people will get vulnerable and show that everything isn’t always great and Instagram perfect, and that’s why I write when I’m at a low. People are so human and living is such a complex concept, you have to show all of it.
For one thing, I’ve had Mono for about 2 weeks. Before you think I’ve gome around and kissed everyone in sight, it can be spread through drinks too, which I’m guilty of sharing. I know, I know, bad. I’ve learned my lesson because let me tell you, it is hell. For the first week I truely felt like I was physically dying, but it’s progressing gotten better. I’ve always heard people sleep a lot when they have mono but I did not sleep one sound night for about a week because of the pain.
On a less physical aspect, I’ve felt rather isolated. I have a lot of people who I would consider friends but I’d call them superficial. Not superficial in saying they aren’t real friends, because they are and we have a lot of fun, but that’s really all we do. There aren’t many people I can get deep with and count on, not when it’s just convenient for them. I lost some pinnacle people and relationships in my life recently and it’s left me feeling lonely. I’m not sure really how to move on quite yet but maybe some further self reflection with come out of it.
I finished my classes with A’s, but with that said I was only taking two classes, as I dropped out of my two college classes. If you know me, you know school is a big deal to me, so dropping out felt like a failure but it was the best thing for me to do. My anxiety this semester has been pretty bad, to the point where I was missing at least one day of school a week, and that’s on a good week. With that, dropping those classes was the best option because I was really only taking them as extra and I was snowballing downward from my anxiety; I would be anxious, miss school, get more anxious about the work I had to make up, miss more school, ect. I was so disappointed with myself, and quite honestly I still am, but I’ve always been one to preach mental health above all, including school, so I’ve taken a page from my own book. I’m actually doing virtual school this coming semester, just while I try to figure out my medication and get my anxiety under control.
As an overall, I just feel dissatisfied with life. I feel like those moments of happiness are so, so rare, and not so say that I’m always unhappy but that I feel like I’m not getting anything from life right now. I’m not extremely discouraged about it though because I’ve gone leaps and bounds from how I felt a few months ago, so I know progress will come. I feel like some people reading this will be think, “wow this was just a Tristyn complains about her life vent” but that’s really not what this is. People, my generation especially, are so perfection seeking that no one shares the bad parts. So few people will get vulnerable and show that everything isn’t always great and Instagram perfect, and that’s why I write when I’m at a low. People are so human and living is such a complex concept, you have to show all of it.
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